araalinuga: what was I thinking?: When You Least Expect It...

Friday, October 23, 2009

When You Least Expect It...

Seeing this flier at the cash register at the coffee shop this morning (maybe I'm too polite, but I just think there are more appropriate places to advertise the removal of impacted faeces than a place where people are having breakfast) triggered memories of that episode of Will & Grace when Jack has to give the speech at his nursing school graduation after being voted most popular student nurse. Karen wants to take him out for manis and pedis, gentlemen's facials, and when you least expect it... a colonic. They, too, had that discussion over breakfast.

If you're not quite sure what a colonic is, you can follow this link. The flier includes a list of maladies that a colonic can be used as a treatment against. I love how they chose to list first: bad breath. I know that many parts of the body are neurologically connected in ways that I cannot even begin to understand, so it does not surprise me that removing wastes from the bowel can also be claimed to be a way to prevent memory loss. But really?

Some other health benefits according to the flier:

Enjoyment of the highest levels of energy day after day.
Supple, younger-looking skin.
You will never get bored with exercise.
And you will learn to enjoy healthy foods.

Amazing. All that from having your colon cleansed with warm water?

Well, Godz Health is the place in Bukasa that brings elegance, simplicity and dignity to internal hygiene. They clean by appointment only, so book today at godzhealth@gmail.com. Phone: 0776119787, 0701119787, 0756119878. Let me know what you think after.

It compares to having a spectacular bowel movement accompanied by a feeling of deep satisfaction...........!

1 comment:

Phillippe MK said...: ROTFLMAO.... [nearly cracked a rib btw...]...; 7:44 AM

Good, bad and ugly... and a few classics

State of Blood by Eoin Colfer: This selection was influenced by my current obsession with Idi Amin. Based on what I've previously read about Amin, I question some things Kyemba wrote. He was definitely fueled by anger, disappointment and fear. Sadly, his description of the state of the system of health care could have been ripped from newspapers in Uganda today.
Beware! Killer Tomatoes by Jeremy Strong: His stories are almost as random as my blog, but then he ties them together with a similar thread. Maybe I should learn from this style.
Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian by Eoin Colfer: Colfer saved the best wit for last, AND he once again resurrected Opal Koboi. Brilliant move. It's like a Fairy dream.
Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter:This read was inspired by the theft of my camera in Accra. I really needed to play the glad game.
13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher: A teen's suicide, not the most feel good of topics. I loved the structure/format of the book--one dead via audio cassettes and the other as a living narrator.
Super Diaper Baby by Dav Pilkey: I blame this choice on Mphanga. But I must admit that I loved it: H. I. Larious!
Danny Champion of the World by Roald Dahl:Well, I'm not sure. It was an entraining read. I learned that the word pram is short for perambulator. Making heroes out of thieves. Part of me likes it. Part of me, not so much.
The Twits by Roald Dahl:Bwahahahahahahaha!
Tropical Fish by Doreen Baingana: An excellent compilation of short stories related to Uganda, wonderfully written. I loved every word of it, especially Passion, A Thank-You Note, and Questions of Home.
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson: Oh, Lisbeth. I'm probably one of the few, if not the only person, who got teary eyed when reading this book. Like the ytwo before it, I couldn't put it down.
A Tale Dark and Grimm by Adam Gidwitz: Bloody. Bloody awesome!
Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote: Wow! I love this book. Holly Golightly, how you mesmerize me!
Aboke Girls by Els De Temmerman: An amazing story, an important book, I found it pretty balanced. At times it made me angry and ask lots of questions.
Artemis Fowl and The Atlantis Complex by : Eoin Colfer I've loved the entire Artemis series, but not this one so much. Hmmm... I've preordered the eighth, and maybe it's time to end it.
The Dungeons of Nakasero by WodOkello Lawoko: Non-fiction which reads like fiction, and you wish it really were. Lawoko's story of abuse, torture and slaughter is so horrific that after some sections, I had to put the book aside to digest and get past what I'd just read.
Fables Out of Nyanja by Brian Bwesigye: An important step, and I did not dislike it. Yes, the animals were a plenty, but the morals? Maybe it's just me, but I didn't get it.
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes: This is science-fiction that I like; there's a true human element. A decades-old book, but the content and themes are so very relevant still today.
Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell : This took me back to Ms. McKernon's class in 1986. It's a wonderful read and I'm looking forward to reading it with my 9 year olds next school year.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith : Zombies just make the Bennet sisters' story more fun.
The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart: One of my 10-year-old students told me this was the very, very best book ever written, so I decided to take it off of my bookshelf--its home for the past two years. In the Chasing Vermeer vein, it encourages children to question the world around them, including those in authority. It was a fun read. The story has many layers so it's not simply a children's book.
The Women of Brewster Place by Gloria Naylor: I remember the VHS cover from the 1980s made-for-television movie/mini-series featuring Oprah Winfrey staring up at me from the shelves of Showtime Video in Port St. Joe. The book was a terrific read, contrary to the words 'boring book' scrawled periodically throughout the pages by a previous reader of the copy I borrowed. The stories left me uncomfortable as a good book often should. I wanted to be the one rocking Ciel back and forth to comfort her woes, and Lorraine and Theresa's lack of neighbourhood acceptance was too real. "Then, know this." Three very powerful words.
Understanding Girls with AD/HD by Nadeau, Littman and Quinn: This book almost claim the title of 'Hated Book that I've Thrown Against the Wall the Most Times" from It's Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong. Almost. But the first half of the book saved it. The first half of the book was interesting and informative. As a teacher, I found that information helpful. The second half of the book almost converted me to the school of people who do not believe in AD/HD and think it's just an excuse made for children. Almost. There were like 11 pages of references, but very few in-text citations, especially after profound statements, giving the impression that they were the authors' opinions rather than researched facts. I also found statements and ideas repeated over and over again. Broken record. Where was the editor?
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin: I've never seen a closer film adaptation to a book than this one. I really like the character of Rosemary, and Ruth Gordon's face and voice were always in my mind when Minnie Castevet appeared on a page.
It by Stephen King: Finally got around to reading it (It). Friendship.
SantaLand Diaries by David Sedaris: Read it during Christmas in Ethiopia. The final essay was read aloud to my friends, up in the Simien Mountains.
The Ballad of Black Bosco by Ernest Bazanye: Funniest book I've read in a while. Bazanye always make brilliant social commentary.
The Help by Kathryn Stockett: Much better than I anticipated. I did laugh and I did cry. Favourite quote: "But no one ever asked Mammy how she felt about it." (pg 106)
Moon over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool: "...If there is such a think as universal--and I wasn't ready to throw all of mine out the window--it's that there is power in a story. And if someone pays you such a kindness as to make up a tale so you'll enjoy a gingersnap, you go along with that story and enjoy every last bite."
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson: Best. Coffee. Advert. Ever. Plus, the last pages left my heart pounding, even though I'd already seen the films.
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin: Bizarre. I won't say that I loved it. Sci-fi is not my preferred genre. Interesting. Would like to discuss.
Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper: Heartfelt. Great use of short, powerful sentences. Awesome Kelis reference.
The 19th Wife by Eric Ebershoff: This was a great book. I loved how it bounced between the two stories.
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins: A perfect, depressing ending. How could you expect anything else?
One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia: Fantastic writing. Really excels at describing 1968 Oakland, CA through the eyes of a pre-teen New Yorker.
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins: The last sentence left me exclaiming (out loud) repeatedly: Oh shit!
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: A post-apocolyptic Lord of the Flies meets Survivor reality tv. The build up left me hoping the games would not begin. When they did, I was shocked. Brutal. Violent. Couldn't put it down.
They Called Themselves the K.K.K. by Susan Campbell Bartoletti: A very uncomfortable read. Power. Will spark excellent, important conversation.
Methland by Nick Reding: I have never been so mesmerised by a non-fiction book. I was disturbed, saddened and inspired by what I read. Whose interests are being protected by US Congress? Walmart is more destructive than I thought, and Target is being added to my list. Boo to big pharmacy, big business! Alright kids (and adults), just say 'no' to drugs!
A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park: A great read, and age appropriate for young readers: it will raise awareness and concern without giving them nightmares. It's a very short read, but it had me teary eyed in the end... twice.
The Glamour of Grammar by Roy Parker Clark: As the etymological origin of the words in the title imply, it's a magical read. I found each of the 50 mini-lessons entertaining and useful.
Physik by Angie Sage: Probably my favourite in the series so far. Great characters and a more complicated plot that Flyte.
The Homework Myth by Alfie Kohn: An excellent book with a lot of food for thought. I just authored a new homework policy for the school, trying to incorporate many of the ideas and information shared in this book.
The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly: A fantastic read. Callie is a very intelligent character. My favourite part is the description of tasting Coca-Cola for the first time in 1899.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: While elements of the story were interesting, and I liked the character of Liesel, I thought the writing was forced and pretentious. Some of the descriptions were just too contrived.
Flyte by Angie Sage: While there is so much in this series I like, I hate when a book is bulky and not much takes place on the pages to merit the size.
The Mostly True Adventures of Homer P. Figg by Rodman Philbrick: I thought I'd hate it. I didn't. No enough lying or exaggerating, but a great story.
When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead: Fantastic book! Loved the A Wrinkle in Time references.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan: This was a fun read. I'm amazed with how much it has motivated children to learn about Greek mythology.
Fablehaven: The Rise of the Evening Star by Brandon Mull: This is a terrific follow-up to Fablehaven. I actually think the plot and characters were better written than in the first book.
Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli: I really loved this story. Manic was a fantastic character. The book did a great job exploring themes of racism and homelessness.
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown: I wanted an easy read that would be somewhat interesting, and that' what I got.
The View from Saturday by E. L. Konigsburg : Like all of her books, it was smart and made great artistic links for young readers.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson: "Men Who Hate Women" was quite an appropriate name. I loved all the Mac references that will one day be so low-tech.
Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer: Renesmee is the worst name created in literature... ever. I honestly thought it was a joke.
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin: In the book, Mortenson came across as someone I would find quite annoying. The work is inspiring, and I loved learning about that region.
Magyc by Angie Sage: I didn't want to put this book down. Not since Harry Potty has a book captured not only my attention but my heart. The characters are great, and Sage is a writer with wit.
Fablehaven by Brandon Mull: Given to me by a student's parent. Mull has created a fantastic fantasy world. I loved the young characters' voices.
Atomised by Michel Houellebecq: This book was hard to put down from the beginning. Some readers have described it as funny. I found it a little disturbing and was left depressed for a few days after reading it. I would classify this as a good book and recommend it. I would judge my personality as being off.
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: Finally read this book. I bought it at least 15 years ago. It's a twisted story. I loved (loved to hate) the characters.
The Night of Wishes by Michael Ende: A magically charming book with positive moral values.
Gossip Girl by Cecily Von Ziegesar: What a riot! I recommend that it be read out loud to an audience for full, outrageous effect. Why wouldn't this book make a great tv show?.
Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer: Deliciously horrible.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: After getting into the story, it was a very pleasant read. I loved Elizabeth and became a Mr. Darcy fan.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: Another time for class, but I honestly noticed things this read that I'd not noticed before.
Carrie's War by Nina Bawden: Don't judge a book by it's cover. I loved the characters.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: No Future for You by Brian K. Vaughan, Joss Whedon, Georges Jeanty, and Cliff Richards: I'm loving season 8 of Buffy.
The Reading Zone by Nancie Atwell: Books like this always make me question what I'm doing.
Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox by Eion Colfer: I enjoy me some Artemis. This book was tremendously fun, especially the resurgence of my favourite pixie villain.
The Year of Numbers by Paulina Wyrzykowski: This book grabbed me from page one. I was intrigued by the characters that were well developed. What a disturbing (in a good way) story!
What the Dickens by Gregory Maguire: A story about a rogue tooth fairy. How could I resist? The part about it being about a rogue tooth fairy... well that's the most interesting part.
The New Heroes: Quantum Prophecy by Michael Carroll: I'm not really into superheroes, but this book got its hook into me. I really liked it, as did my students.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Long Way Home by Joss Whedon and Georges Jeanty: I'm a Buffy fan! This was my first graphic novel. I'm hooked; part II of season 8 is in the mail.
The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson: This was a strangely beautiful and creatively written love story. Just get past the penis burning/melting like a candle.
Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama: As a curious American, I had to read it. I'm a fan; however, I found his to be a very average story. There were some special moments, as we all have.
Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer: My students' favourite, but the young demon/warlock didn't do much for me. Artemis's young, female rival was brilliant.
The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J. K. Rowling: I'm not sure what I expected. It would be a good book to read aloud to children.
Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman: Wow! What a read! I could not put it down.
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne: The ending...
Millions by Frank Cottrell Boyce: A fantastic book that was made into a fantastic film. It's a beautiful story. I loved the cameo appearance of Charles Lwanga and the Uganda Martyrs.
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer: Hmmm... I don't know what it is about these books. I'm not into the love story. But I am fascinated by the characters.
Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer: My students didn't get like this one so much, but so far it is my favourite--the most politically themed Fowl book yet. I love the arrogance of Opal.
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer: I wanted to see what all the hubbub was about. Slow-paced book, a lot pages with little action. I bought the second book in the series.
Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer: Trying to get back into this series, keeping up with my students. As I've mentioned before, I really like this series and it has motivated several of my students to read independently.
Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan: I find the story behind this novel fascinating. I love clairvoyants. I really enjoyed the read. Asia is still not my thing.
The Outcasts of 19 Schuyler Place by E. L. Konigsburg: Konigsburg's books are always great. Outsider art, civil disobedience, "Do you think that Mrs. Kapalan has a narcissistic personality disorder?" Love it.
The Calder Game by Blue Balliett: I love this book series. Calder, Petra and Tommy are at it again. This book is different from the previous two in the series in that unexplained phenomena does not guide them so much, but it is nonetheless enjoyable. I loved learning about the artist Alexander Calder and his Mobiles.
The Village of Widows by Ravi Shankar Etteth: My recommendation is that this book be avoided. It started off good, but it was downhill from the time the murder of the Malagasy diplomat was solved early in the book. I'll never get the time back I wasted on this book.
Chronicles of the Moon by Allan Frewin Jones: I loved the cover art for this book. The story is too predictable. I found the adults not trusting children theme too Series of Unfortunate Events. The book is educational if you're studying ancient Egypt and might be enjoyed by children studying this topic.
The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman: I could not wait to finish this trilogy. What an great conclusion to an amazing story! I'm so glad I finally pick up The Golden Compass.
The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman: I think this was my favourite of the HIs Dark Materials books. What a good story!
One Step Behind by Henning Mankell: I loved the pace of this book. Sick and twisted. It sparked fear of Sweden.
Spiderwick Chronicles: Lucinda's Secret by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi: More interesting than The Seeing Stone.
Spiderwick Chronicles: The Seeing Stone by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi: A quick read. Could be interesting for a child interested in Faeries. I cannot say that I was impressed.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: I'm usually not into sci-fi, but I really loved the humour of this book. Plus, it convinced me that Mos Def was perfectly cast as Ford Prefect.
Praying Mantis by Andre Brink: The first and last thirds of the book were captivating. I found the middle third boring.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum: I'd forgotten it. I liked it so much, I decided to teach it next school year.
Ways to Live Forever by Sally Nicholls: Given to me by a student. Read it if you know someone with cancer. No, it's not sappy. I found it to be honest.
The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman: I've jumped on yet another bandwagon. I really enjoyed to book, especially the characters. What violence towards children!
Labyrinth by Kate Mosse: Really an interesting story, but I did not care fore the flashbacks.
Stormy Weather by Carl Hiaasen: Oh, hurricanes!
Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume: A great book about a boy dealing with changes.
Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl by Tracy Quan: This book received mixed reviews. I enjoyed it. It became the topic of conversation between me and many of my friends.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling: I wasn't disappointed. A great ending to a consistently great series.
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini: I liked this book, found it interesting, wasn't floored. Everything went full-circle.
Valhalla Rising by Clive Cussler: Clive Cussler is not to be put aside lightly. He must be hurled away with great force. I couldn't agree with Baz more.
Strip Tease by Carl Hiaasen: As I read the book, I could see it being made into a really bad Demi Moore movie. I really enjoyed the read.
A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka: A fun read. Convinced a friend it was a must-read and she bought it so I didn't have too.
The Spiderwick Chronicles: The Field Guide by Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black: Came highly recommend by two 10-year-olds from opposite ends of the globe. Is a reallly short book, but I like the themes it begins to explore. I want to continue the series.
Chasing Vermeer by Blue Balliett: I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book. I've taught it twice with 10 and 11 year olds. They love it too. It's so smart, a great mystery. Plus there's all the Charles Fort stuff.
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd: This read was inspired by Will & Grace. I was very interested in the characters and concerned about what would happen to them. Why do so many books set in the South have such messed up characters?
Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation by Olivia Judson: An entertaining book about evolutionary biology. Who knew was possible? I really liked it. It made me laugh quite a few times.
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM by Robert C. O'Brien: This is one of my all-time favorite books. It poses some good questions about morals and ethics that lead to great discussions.
Bunnicula by Deborah and James Howe: I loved this whole series as a child. It was nice to revisit. I cannot wait to teach it.
The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder: One of Nicole's favorites. I, too, loved it. The characters were my friends and me in my childhood.
The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White: Recommended by a student's parent. I confess: I like the Disney-fied animated version better than the book.
Artemis Fowl and the Arctic Incident by Eoin Colfer: I do like this series. The book is fast paced and pretty suspenseful for a book for young readers.
Wicked by Gregory McGuire: Got it better this time. I want to see how they adapted it to a broadway musical.
House of Bush House of Saud by Craig Unger: Good questions. Interesting possibilities.
Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell: A rare case of the filmed/tv version being better than the book.
Eragon by Christopher Paolini: Don't tell your pet dragon: I love you.
The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor: Wonderful Wonderland book. Loved it!
The Invisible Friend by Louise Arnold: Boring.
The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren: A bit too much.
Hoot by Carl Hiassen: Amusing. I bought the dvd for my nieces and nephews.
The Schools Our Children Deserve Moving Beyond Traditional Classrooms and “Tougher Standards” by Alfie Kohn: Parents and teachers who want to stop torturing their children with meaningless pressure should read this.
AK by Peter Dickinson: This is a remarkable book about a child soldier in a fictitious African country that could be any of several African countries today, in the recent past or in the near future.
Nzima and Njunju: A Story of Two Friends by Natasha Museveni Karugire: Children’s story from Western Uganda. Beautiful illustrations.
The Shackled Continent by Robert Guest: A look at why Africa is poor. His truths are blunt. (I liked that.) Some examples are too general. The solutions he proposes are very simple but not easily accomplished.
Journey to the River Sea by Eva Ibbotson: Beautifully written story of a young girl living on the Amazon.
Harriet Tubman: The Road to Freedom by Rae Bains and Joanne Mattern: A tiny bio about a remarkable American hero.
The Overseer by Jonathan Rabb: I was not too impressed. Some parts were interesting, but I’m not rushing out to buy other titles by Rabb.
Hitler Youth by Susan Campbell Bartoletti: A great read. Non-fiction. I learned a lot.
The Second Mrs. Giaconda by E.L. Konigsburg: I really liked this book. Where did DaVinci get his inspiration?
Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine: This book was so much fun. I love the movie, but the book is a very different adventure. Loved it!
Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan: It’s all about moving on, not letting go and others standing in our way. Decisions are the worst.
Goodnight Mr. Tom by Michelle Magorian: An excellent book about a young boy who was evacuated from London during WWII.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: How many times is this now?
The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger: A fun read.
The Wright 3 by Blue Balliett: A sequel to my favorite book, Chasing Vermeer, that continues with the themes of learning what is relevant through exploration and following your intuition. (Since June 2006)