Wednesday, July 15, 2009



I went for a long run this evening.  The run felt good... while I ran.  Now:  ouch!  No, my muscles are OK.  Two parts of my body rubbed together way too much during the long run.  Long story short:  my ass is chafed.  Not very pleasant to hear, huh?  Well imagine how it feels.  Ow!

My girl, Elle Woods, is also not a fan of chafing of the rear.  She made that very clear in her admissions video to Harvard Law:  "It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic.  All those opposed to chafing, please say 'Aye'."

I sound a resounding "AYE!!!"

Jason Mraz isn't a fan of Charmin or the way we use toilet paper.  On his MySpace blog, he gives us tips on how to use less.  

- Start small. Challenge yourself to use only 8 squares in your session. We’ve all been in that place where it’s close to the cardboard roll and you have to be MacGuyver to make a clean get-away. This will force you to get creative while taking good care of each square. 

- Use both sides. I mean that. I bet some people are afraid to look at or get close to their own skid-marks. But I say it’s better to know how your body’s handling the business of your health. Fold the paper again and again using a clean angle from the very same square. There’s a lot of real estate wasted on each sheet when you only wipe once. 

- Should you find the paper too thin and become the victim of too many breakthroughs, try using a stronger material as a backing. This worked when I was camping. The paper wasn’t holding up in the dampness of camp, so I used a leaf to give the paper more strength from behind. Plus the leaf was textured, which handled the job with far more efficiency than just the paper by itself. 

Forgive me for being 
anal about this. I just thought I’d share the news and suggest an eco-friendly solution to one of nature’s biggest pains in the ass. 

 Well, the way I'm feeling right now, I not very anxious to have toilet paper (or anything for that matter) causing any more friction on my bum.  Bidet?

1 comment:

Dana said...

I got a butt blister from the rowing machine and it is THE WORST THING EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I've never had any blisters from runnning (yet) but so far I've had blisters on my hands, foot, and BUTT from rowing. :P To be fair, the butt blister is just from the rowing machine seat which is annoying but still. Rowing related. Today I have a giant bandaid on it and it feels soooooooooooo much better than it has been. It was just staying around like a rash after the blister opened but I think it's healing now w/ some triple antibiotic ointment and that bandage over it. PLUS the bandage is apparently cushy enough to take away seating pain! :D YAY! HAHAAHA

I know that is soooo TMI, but you started it. :P